Have you ever been surprised to see yourself lurch towards something or pull away from someone?
Have you been embarrassed, shocked or amused by these unbidden impulses?
Many of us have tried to control these impulses and there's certainly a place for inhibiting impulses in any civilized society. And yet, I contend that our choices become more authentic as we include more awareness of these bodily impulses. Why? Our bodies "house" our unconscious impulses and desires. When we learn to access our whole body, we tap into that unconscious knowing. This body knowing offers us access to wisdom that, though often different from more familiar thinking patterns, may lead to making authentic choices, albeit more surprising.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Self-Reflection Questions
Stepping towards making authentic choices begins with a self-assessment of your own patterns around making choices. The more we know about how we currently make choices, the more we can both honor what we know we're doing and change our patterns to deepen our authenticity. Given that, what follows is a list of questions to ask yourself about the choices you've made and how you made them.
A. History with Making Choice
a. Growing up
i. Who made the decisions growing up?
ii. When did you begin making your own choices?
b. Memorable choices
i. What were your most authentic choices? Why?
ii. What were your most inauthentic choices? Why?
iii. What’s the difference between these sets of choices?
iv. What “results’” confirm authenticity or not?
B. Making Authentic Choices
a. What are your criteria for making authentic choices?
b. How do you know in the moment when your choice is authentic?
i. What goes on in your mind?
ii. What do you feel in your heart?
iii. What does your gut do?
iv. How else do you know?
c. What motives are behind your authentic choices?
d. What are the benefits of soulful choices?
C. Making Inauthentic Choices
a. What are the costs of making inauthentic choices?
b. For the sake of what do you compromise your authenticity?
c. Under what circumstances will you not compromise? Why not?
D. Process for Making Choices
a. Who do you consult? Friends? Family? Experts? Inner Guides?
b. What do you consult? Tarot? YJ? Google? Books?
c. What less conscious influences may affect your choices?
d. What’s your pace for making choices?
i. Do you mull or decide quickly?
ii. How does your pace differ based on the circumstances?
A. History with Making Choice
a. Growing up
i. Who made the decisions growing up?
ii. When did you begin making your own choices?
b. Memorable choices
i. What were your most authentic choices? Why?
ii. What were your most inauthentic choices? Why?
iii. What’s the difference between these sets of choices?
iv. What “results’” confirm authenticity or not?
B. Making Authentic Choices
a. What are your criteria for making authentic choices?
b. How do you know in the moment when your choice is authentic?
i. What goes on in your mind?
ii. What do you feel in your heart?
iii. What does your gut do?
iv. How else do you know?
c. What motives are behind your authentic choices?
d. What are the benefits of soulful choices?
C. Making Inauthentic Choices
a. What are the costs of making inauthentic choices?
b. For the sake of what do you compromise your authenticity?
c. Under what circumstances will you not compromise? Why not?
D. Process for Making Choices
a. Who do you consult? Friends? Family? Experts? Inner Guides?
b. What do you consult? Tarot? YJ? Google? Books?
c. What less conscious influences may affect your choices?
d. What’s your pace for making choices?
i. Do you mull or decide quickly?
ii. How does your pace differ based on the circumstances?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Using the I Ching to Make Authentic Choices
The I Ching is an ancient Chinese book of wisdom that dates back more than three thousand years. Used by rulers to take appropriate action for the benefit of their kingdoms, this book of wisdom is just as applicable today in assisting us with our modern-day dilemmas. The I Ching offers perspectives deeper than surface appearances and helps us access our own intuitive knowing. Since there are many websites and books dedicated to helping others learn from this book of wisdom, I will only touch on how it can be used at the four levels of choice. Paradoxically, only one level offers value for I Ching wisdom.
At the no choice level, with one exception there is no place for any I Ching discernment. We merely follow what's in front of us. The exception comes when we realize that, though we may be at effect of external circumstances, we have a choice about the attitude we hold inside ourselves. In the book, Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl describes his experience of choosing his attitude while being in concentration camps. Likewise, we can use I Ching wisdom to offer us a frame of mind to hold while moving through the inevitable external circumstances.
At the simple choice level, most choices are made without an awareness of their deeper implications. Nor are the choices seen as having much importance in the grand scheme of events. Again, there's no place for I Ching discernment except when we see ourselves inside a multi-leveled universe that happens to be offering simple choices.
At the fourth level, where authentic choices are made, I Ching wisdom is not necessary either. For when we reach this level, we know in our heart, mind and gut what choice we're making.
It is only at the third level, where complex choices are made, that I Ching wisdom is not only useful, but it can be used to discern various levels of meaning and import that surface distinctions can only hint at. (A future blog will talk more about this level in detail.)
At the no choice level, with one exception there is no place for any I Ching discernment. We merely follow what's in front of us. The exception comes when we realize that, though we may be at effect of external circumstances, we have a choice about the attitude we hold inside ourselves. In the book, Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl describes his experience of choosing his attitude while being in concentration camps. Likewise, we can use I Ching wisdom to offer us a frame of mind to hold while moving through the inevitable external circumstances.
At the simple choice level, most choices are made without an awareness of their deeper implications. Nor are the choices seen as having much importance in the grand scheme of events. Again, there's no place for I Ching discernment except when we see ourselves inside a multi-leveled universe that happens to be offering simple choices.
At the fourth level, where authentic choices are made, I Ching wisdom is not necessary either. For when we reach this level, we know in our heart, mind and gut what choice we're making.
It is only at the third level, where complex choices are made, that I Ching wisdom is not only useful, but it can be used to discern various levels of meaning and import that surface distinctions can only hint at. (A future blog will talk more about this level in detail.)
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Four Stages of Choice
As we mature, each of us move through four primary stages of choice making:
Stage One: No Choice
Before we can acknowledge we have choices, we must move through a time when we have no choices. All decisions are made for us as children. While [hopefully] that decreases as we become more capable, this stage acknowledges the times in our lives where we are hardly aware of the need to make choices or circumstances prevent anything but the obvious choice. For instance, where we go for holidays and how we do family events are sometimes so prescribed that it hardly even concerns us that others make choices for us. Dealing with emergencies require only the most basic survival choices. The only choice we have in these circumstances is accepting the things we cannot change.
Stage Two: Simple Choices
Eventually, we come to a place where we can make simple decisions on our own. These choices are often inconsequential in the larger view of our lives. Whether or not we buy this kind of shampoo or another, going to one restaurant or another for lunch, taking the scenic route or the most efficient route to get somewhere are the kinds of choices that have insignificant, long-term ramifications on our lives. What we don’t realize is that these choices are often linked to the conventions we grew up inside. We often either strictly conform to those conventions or rebel against them. Mostly our choices are limited to being "for" or "against" something. Growing up, we were either "good' and did what our parents or teachers wanted or we were "bad' and rebelled against them.
Stage Three: Complex Choices
At some point in our lives, the choices are more complex because what we choose entails significant long-term ramifications. The considerations at this stage of choice require juggling a number of factors that consequentially shape our future. (My first significant choice was which college to attend. Where I spent my next four years of life away from my family mattered. The choice would also influence my first career step.) It is amidst complex choices, that we have the opportunity to differentiate ourselves from the conventions we grew up inside. If we can move beyond rebelling from those conventions, we may come to find some sense of ourselves and learn to make choices based on what we want, not what others want or don’t want us to do.
Stage Four: Authentic Choices
At this stage, we know ourselves well enough and understand the circumstances within which we must choose sufficiently that choices are made so effortlessly that it almost feels as if they happen of themselves. Before moving to California, over twenty years ago, my wife [at the time] and I were so certain of our choice, that the cross-country move took place without a hitch in less than three months. In Chinese philosophy, it might be called living in the Tao, or Way.
More description of each of these levels will come in future blogs.
- No Choice
- Simple Choices
- Complex Choices
- Authentic Choices
Stage One: No Choice
Before we can acknowledge we have choices, we must move through a time when we have no choices. All decisions are made for us as children. While [hopefully] that decreases as we become more capable, this stage acknowledges the times in our lives where we are hardly aware of the need to make choices or circumstances prevent anything but the obvious choice. For instance, where we go for holidays and how we do family events are sometimes so prescribed that it hardly even concerns us that others make choices for us. Dealing with emergencies require only the most basic survival choices. The only choice we have in these circumstances is accepting the things we cannot change.
Stage Two: Simple Choices
Eventually, we come to a place where we can make simple decisions on our own. These choices are often inconsequential in the larger view of our lives. Whether or not we buy this kind of shampoo or another, going to one restaurant or another for lunch, taking the scenic route or the most efficient route to get somewhere are the kinds of choices that have insignificant, long-term ramifications on our lives. What we don’t realize is that these choices are often linked to the conventions we grew up inside. We often either strictly conform to those conventions or rebel against them. Mostly our choices are limited to being "for" or "against" something. Growing up, we were either "good' and did what our parents or teachers wanted or we were "bad' and rebelled against them.
Stage Three: Complex Choices
At some point in our lives, the choices are more complex because what we choose entails significant long-term ramifications. The considerations at this stage of choice require juggling a number of factors that consequentially shape our future. (My first significant choice was which college to attend. Where I spent my next four years of life away from my family mattered. The choice would also influence my first career step.) It is amidst complex choices, that we have the opportunity to differentiate ourselves from the conventions we grew up inside. If we can move beyond rebelling from those conventions, we may come to find some sense of ourselves and learn to make choices based on what we want, not what others want or don’t want us to do.
Stage Four: Authentic Choices
At this stage, we know ourselves well enough and understand the circumstances within which we must choose sufficiently that choices are made so effortlessly that it almost feels as if they happen of themselves. Before moving to California, over twenty years ago, my wife [at the time] and I were so certain of our choice, that the cross-country move took place without a hitch in less than three months. In Chinese philosophy, it might be called living in the Tao, or Way.
More description of each of these levels will come in future blogs.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Why Blog on Making Authentic Choices?
Have you ever made a choice that you knew wasn't genuine, but you went through with it anyway only have to pay a price later? One woman I met told me that she knew on her wedding day that marrying her fiancee was a mistake. While they divorced years later, and she has gotten over the "mistake," what if she, and the rest of us, had more understanding about what we need to make authentic choices? What if we could learn discernment skills that could help us choose? What if we could learn ways to tap into our own inner conflicts around choices that might help us resolve those conflicts before we chose?
This blog offers a forum for dialogue around making authentic choices--what it means to make them, what it feels like to make them, how to make them and the effects of making them. At the outset, that requires learning when to make different choices versus following habitual streams of action. We must also delve more deeply into the differences between authentic and inauthentic choices. We’ll also look at the internal processes that support and hinder choosing from our real selves.
My hope is that, through this dialogue, we learn together how to better make authentic choices, not only for ourselves, but with our friends, families, communities, organizations.
This blog offers a forum for dialogue around making authentic choices--what it means to make them, what it feels like to make them, how to make them and the effects of making them. At the outset, that requires learning when to make different choices versus following habitual streams of action. We must also delve more deeply into the differences between authentic and inauthentic choices. We’ll also look at the internal processes that support and hinder choosing from our real selves.
My hope is that, through this dialogue, we learn together how to better make authentic choices, not only for ourselves, but with our friends, families, communities, organizations.
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